JAG Continues Book I: Striving for Settlement
Ch. 3 - Flaws
Part C
“She just left so that we can talk alone, didn’t she?” Mattie asked when Mac had left.
“Yes.” Harm answered, impressed by this teen’s powers of observation.
Mattie didn’t say anything for a moment.
“So, are you okay with all of this?” Harm asked.
“I guess.”
Not the answer he’d been ideally hoping for. Guess he should break down the issues. “How do you feel about moving to San Diego?”
“It’s nice out there?”
“Well, the weather is a lot better than in London.”
“Should be okay then. No matter where I am, I won’t really be out much for a while anyhow.”
“Nah, you’ll be up and around in no time,” he encouraged. “They’ve got great medical facilities out there. … Oh, and I thought you might like to know that Jen has already requested to transfer to San Diego to work with Mac.”
“Really?” Her eyes brightened a little.
“Yes,” he confirmed. “I’m not sure if I should be offended that she didn’t ask to work with me when she thought I’d be in London,” he added in a light tone, “… but I guess, given the choice, I’d rather work for Mac than myself too.” He grinned again. “Anyhow, there’ll be another friendly face out there.”
“Cool.”
“I’m hoping that staying in the country will also make it easier for you and your Dad to visit when the time comes.”
She looked down and fiddled with the bed sheet. “I’m not sure I’ll want to visit him.”
“Mattie, he does love you,” Harm insisted.
“I know. I love him, too. I’m just not sure when I’ll be ready to spend time with him again.”
Harm decided not to push the issue at the moment. “Let’s not worry about that right now. Your Dad needs to get himself straightened out first.”
Moving on to the next issue, Harm said, “… Ah, I would, however, like to hear what you think about me and Mac though?”
Mattie smiled. “I’m really happy for you, Harm. You and Mac are good together. I had been waiting for the longest time to catch you kissing her.”
“Catch me? Mattie, I hadn’t been kissing Mac …”
“Exactly. You hadn’t, but you should have been,” she set him straight.
Harm shook his head with amusement. “Well, there have been a lot of other people who have probably been waiting a lot longer than you, kiddo.”
“I didn’t see Mac wearing an engagement ring, Harm. You are going to get her one, aren’t you?”
“Of course. As a matter of fact we’re going ring shopping right after we leave you, and …” Harm looked around to make sure Mac wasn’t back yet. “… I’m going to give her a proper proposal tonight. But that last part’s a surprise, so you have to keep my secret.”
“I can do that. So, how are you going to properly propose?”
“I’ve been working on a plan all day, but it’s still in progress. We didn’t know that she’d be able to postpone going to San Diego until this morning, so I haven’t had too much time to work out the details yet.”
“But what are you thinking about? I could help you plan,” Mattie suggested.
“Thanks for the offer, but … I’ve got to do this on my own.” He pointed a finger at her. “You just don’t say anything.”
“I hope you know what you’re doing, Harm.”
“Me too.” He sighed, before switching topics. “… So, I want to talk about you and Mac now.”
She shrugged her shoulders a little. “What’s to talk about?”
“First, are you okay with living with the both of us?”
“Guess I’ll have to be, since you’re marrying her, and I have nowhere else to be in my condition.” She sounded somewhat despondent, which concerned Harm.
“You don’t want to live with us?”
“I do, Harm. It’s just - I’m going to need a lot of attention while I’m getting better. I don’t want to be in the way of the two of you.”
Harm shook his head. “You know, that’s funny, because Mac is worried that she is going to be intruding on the two of us.” He motioned between Mattie and himself. “And she doesn’t want you to feel like she’s taking my attention away from you.”
“Why would she think that?”
“Because she has seen that you and I have already formed a family of sorts. I think she feels like the outsider. … And let me guess, - you see my marriage to Mac as the start of a new family, and you feel like you’ll be the outsider?”
“Yeah, sort of,” Mattie admitted.
“So what am I supposed to do with the two of you?” he asked in a half-teasing manner.
“I don’t know.”
He thought for a moment. “Let me ask you something. Forgetting about me and my relationships with anyone for a minute, how do you feel about Mac, … honestly?”
The response was quick. “I like her.”
Harm nodded his head. “She likes you too. She has already made abundantly clear to me that she wants to be there for you and give you everything she can. But she doesn’t want to push herself on you.”
“What do you mean?”
“She doesn’t feel it’s her place to impose herself as another … parental-type figure.”
“Oh.”
“Listen, Mattie. I want to ask you to consider something. And I just want you to think about it for now. Don’t answer today.” Harm looked around again before continuing quietly. “And don’t tell Mac, because she doesn’t know I’m asking you this yet.”
“Okay.”
“I want you to consider having Mac be a co-guardian for you with me.”
Mattie looked confused. “I thought you said she doesn’t want to be a parental type of figure for me?”
“No,” he corrected, “I said she doesn’t feel it’s her place to assume that role.”
“Then how do you know she’d even want to be my guardian?”
He smiled. “Believe me, I know that she would really like that. But she won’t do it unless she knows that it is what you want.”
“Would it help the court give you custody of me if she were my guardian too?”
“Honestly, yes. But I don’t foresee the court denying my petition as an individual guardian anyhow, since your Dad isn’t contesting it. And that’s not why I’m asking.”
“Why are you asking?”
“A lot of reasons. But first, let me tell you that it’s okay with me if you decide you only want me to be your guardian. I don’t want to push this on you, understand?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Well, first, I see this as a way to help both you and Mac feel less like you’re in the way or that either of you is an outsider. There’s no reason we can’t be a family together, and making it more official from the beginning will, I think, make it easier for both of you to appreciate that.” He made sure that thought sunk in with Mattie before he went on.
“Second,” he continued, “I think it would be good for you to have Mac take an active role in your life. Not that she wouldn’t anyhow, but like I said, she doesn’t want you to feel like she’s interfering. And I think it would benefit us all for you to have a female guardian as well as me.”
Quickly shifting to joking mode, he added, “I mean, if I have the only say in things, I may change my mind and keep boys away from you until you’re thirty.”
“Harm!” Mattie protested, with a look that said ‘you wouldn’t!’
Harm smiled. “Alright, I won’t. But, Mac and I do make a good team, and I’d be consulting her anyway. … But ultimately, I think she’d make a great guardian.
“I’ve seen her with Chloe, a girl she took on as a ‘little sister,’ and I’ve always admired how good she has been with her. Chloe is actually about your age now. But Mac doesn’t see her much anymore since she helped Chloe find her family members, who take care of her now.”
“Kind of like you got me back with my Dad?”
“Yeah.”
“And, if it weren’t for the accident, you wouldn’t see me all that often anymore?”
“Yes. … Except that Chloe is in Vermont now, so it makes her seeing Mac a little harder than you would have had seeing me.”
After a pause, Harm continued, “Anyway, I just want you to think it over. Mac is … well, she has her flaws, just like I do, but she has a lot of strengths, too. She’s very caring, smart, and responsible. She definitely has affection for young people. … You, in particular.”
He playfully bopped Mattie’s nose with his finger.
Returning to complete seriousness, he stated, “Regardless of her technical relationship to you, in whatever capacity she can, I guarantee that Mac will always be there for you and do whatever is necessary to be in your best interest.”
“Harm, you sound like a lawyer.”
He laughed. “Occupational hazard, I guess.”
“Let me guess, you’ve given a lot of thought to the type of woman you’d want to be the mother of your children, and Mac is that type of woman?” Mattie played on the words that Mac had spoken about Harm in court when he had originally petitioned for guardianship.
Mattie noticed Mac enter the doorway just as Harm answered, “No, Mac is not the type of woman I’d want to be the mother of my children.”
“What?!” asked Mattie in horror.
Mac froze and, in that split second, was filled with a horrible drowning panic.
Harm, oblivious to Mac’s appearance, continued, “Mac is the woman I want to be the mother of my children. I don’t just want her type, … I want Mac herself to help me raise a child, with everything she is, flaws and all.”
Mattie looked at him with wide eyes. “… Harm you have no idea how much trouble you almost just got yourself in.” Then she looked over at Mac. “… Or maybe did get yourself in,” she added as she took in Mac’s frozen form and thought about Harm’s comment about Mac’s flaws.
Harm stood up and, following Mattie’s gaze, turned to see Mac in the doorway.
“Mac!” He took a few steps back. “… How long have you been there?” It was his turn to panic.
Mac composed herself, and said as nonchalantly as possible, “Long enough to hear that I’m not the type of woman you want to mother your children.”
“But I meant -”
“Relax,” she cut him off, very professionally. “I heard what you said after that, too. Mattie, I hope fruit punch is okay. It was the best of what they had.” Mac placed the drink on the tray near Mattie.
“Sure, it’s good. Thanks.” Mattie answered as neutrally as she could, given the tension in the room.
After a moment, Mac, still facing Mattie, added, “And no, Mattie, Harm did not get himself in trouble. Not even with the remark about my flaws.” She glanced at Harm during the last part of her comment, before focusing back on Mattie.
“Oh,” was Mattie’s only response.
“’Cause I’ll let you in on a secret, Mattie. One I’m just learning.” Mac took a seat and leaned towards the teenager.
“When someone knows about all your flaws, and can acknowledge that you have them, but loves you for who you are anyhow, … that’s when you know that you are truly loved …” She switched her gaze to Harm, “… unconditionally.”
Mac looked back at Mattie. “I think that’s the kind of love you need to make a lasting relationship.”
“Wow, you’re really lucky, Harm,” Mattie observed.
“You don’t need to tell me,” Harm admitted, trying to decide if Mac really was angry with him or not. Mac looked at Harm in a way that did not make her mood clear.
Finally, he cleared his throat and somewhat timidly spoke. “So, I guess you didn’t hear the part when I said you were caring, responsible, and smart, did you?”
“No, just that I’m flawed,” Mac replied matter-of-factly.
“I’m flawed, too,” he defended. “I said that just before, didn’t I?” He started to look to Mattie for support.
Mac interrupted, “Oh, I know you are.” She stood up and confidently continued, “And I know that one of your flaws is sticking your foot in your mouth when it comes to me. That is, … before you manage to explain yourself.” As she spoke, she took a few steps closer to Harm.
“When you let me,” Harm reflected.
She stopped about a foot away from him. “When I let you,” she echoed, acknowledging her fault in the past at running or pushing him away rather than listening to him explain. “I heard it this time,” she told him softly.
“I’m really glad you’re aware of that flaw of mine,” he said.
“I’ll bet you are,” Mac said gently, as she continued to edge toward him.
“But you love me anyway?” he asked hopefully.
She nodded. “I do.” Her answer signaled the beginning of a kiss between them, which lasted until they heard Mattie loudly clearing her throat.
“Third party in the room,” she reminded them. Mac turned her head towards Mattie, blushing slightly.
“You know,” said Mattie, “if I am going to live with you guys, you’re going to have to promise to keep this kind of thing in your room.” She half smiled as she said it.
“I thought you wanted to catch me kissing Mac?” Harm, who was still holding Mac in his arms, reminded the teen.
“I had wanted to see you kissing, but that was before the two of you were going to be … like my new parents. No kid wants to see her parents making out,” Mattie stated pointedly.
Mac was touched by Mattie’s referral to them as being like ‘parents,’ referencing both of them, and not just Harm. Harm appreciated that comment as well, but didn’t feel the issue was ripe for discussion just yet. Which was fine, since he wanted to follow up on Mattie’s request.
“Well, Mac and I don’t make promises that we can’t keep. And for my part, I know I won’t be able to limit all my displays of affection for Mac to our room.”
“Mac?” Mattie looked for support.
“… Sorry Mattie, but I think that this is something you’ll have to learn to live with to some extent.” Mac was looking intently at Harm when she finished saying this.
“By the way, Mac,” Harm said, “I do, too.”
“What?”
“Love you. I do. Unconditionally.”
“Why do I feel like I just witnessed your wedding vows?” Mattie asked rhetorically, interrupting what would have been another kiss.
“Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve made them in a hospital room,” Harm commented facetiously.
Knowing he was referring to his fake marriage to Catherine Gale, Mac pushed Harm lightly, causing him to let go of her.
He laughed, and then told Mattie, “I didn’t really get married. It’s a long story. I’ll tell you some other time.” He cleared his throat again. “… But, given that Mac and I can’t promise to keep off of each other entirely, are you still willing to live with us?”
“I guess,” Mattie pretended to be exasperated. “As long as I won’t ever have to see you actually having se…”
“Ah, that I promise,” Harm quickly cut her off. Mac was definitely blushing now, but she also bit her lip in an unsuccessful attempt to hide her amusement at how embarrassed Harm was.
Harm thought that was quite enough for the day. “Mattie, before you get either yourself or me in any real trouble, I think it’s time Mac and I left.”
“Okay. … Mac, do you mind if I have another minute with Harm before you go?”
“No, not at all. I’ll wait in the lobby.” Mac went over and gave Mattie a kiss on the head. “We’ll come back to see you tomorrow. I’ll bring you some things from a store so that maybe we can work on getting your appetite back.”
“Thanks Mac.” Mattie smiled.
-------
“So, what’s up?” Harm asked Mattie after Mac left.
“I wanted to wish you luck for tonight.”
“Thanks.”
“Don’t screw it up,” the teen warned.
“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“Mac deserves to be happy.”
“I know. You’ll think about what I asked you earlier?”
“Yes. But don’t think about me tonight, Harm. Just focus on Mac. You didn’t see her face when she overheard you. You may not be in trouble, but you scared her, and you have to make that up to her.”
“When did you get to be so smart about women? Never mind, don’t answer that. … Thank you for the advice. Be good for the nurses.”
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“Well, that wasn’t too bad,” Mac said when they were in the car. “… It wasn’t, was it?” she second-guessed herself.
“No, why do you ask?” He spared a glance away from the road to look at her.
“I just didn’t know if Mattie was giving you a different impression when I wasn’t there.”
“Are you asking what she said to me?”
“No. That’s between the two of you,” Mac answered. “I’m sorry I overheard anything when I came back.”
“I’m only sorry that what you heard upset you, even for a moment.”
“It’s okay,” she assured him.
“No, it’s not. I may say stupid things, and I may not always express myself well, but you do know that I won’t lie to you Mac, right?”
“I know. … And you’ve been expressing yourself much better since yesterday.”
“I meant what I said about wanting you to raise a child with me …”
“Harm, I know.” Her tone and the look that overcame her face evidenced the slight downward change in her mood. “I’d really rather not talk about motherhood anymore today.”
“Sorry.”
“But,” Mac had a follow-up concern, “did you tell Mattie about my condition?”
“No.”
This relieved her. “Thank you.”
There was a moment of silence, while Harm thought about how he could cheer Mac up.
He finally said, “I don’t think I’m breaking any of Mattie’s confidences by telling you that she likes you a lot. Maybe more than she likes me, really.”
“She does not like me more,” Mac scolded him for saying such a thing.
“Oh? Then why was I the one who had to stay after to get the lecture?”
“Uh-oh. What for?”
“Well, without violating the unwritten teen-adult privilege, let’s just say I now have some extra pressure to treat you very, very well today.”
Mac looked puzzled for a second. “I have no idea why that would be, but I have a feeling I’m going to like having Mattie around.”
“I thought you might.” Harm smiled.
“So, does treating me well today involve feeding me lunch now?”
He laughed. “It does.”
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Vukovic was going to get the story once and for all. “Petty Officer Coates.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Commander Rabb isn’t going to London, is he?”
“I don’t believe so, sir.”
“Did something happen to him? Commander Roberts mentioned some excitement last night. Does the Colonel’s taking leave have something to do with Commander Rabb?”
“I believe her leave does have something to do with Captain Rabb, yes.”
“Captain? So he is getting the promotion?”
“That’s unclear at this time, sir.”
“Did he have an accident or something?”
“No, … I wouldn’t call it that.”
“Sick then?”
Jen thought for a moment. “In a way. He’s just finally given in to what he’s been feeling for the last nine years or so.”
“Feeling. Nine years,” he repeated. “… Chosen the Colonel,” he remembered what Lt. Mayfield had said. He slowly put the pieces together. “ … He gave up London because he doesn’t want to be that far away from Colonel MacKenzie. Because … he loves her.”
“I’m glad to see those investigative skills panning out, sir.” She smiled at him.
“He admitted he loves her?” he asked skeptically.
Jen gave up fighting to withhold information. “I would assume they both admitted they love each other since they agreed to get married.”
“Wow.”
“And both were willing to give up their respective positions to be together depending on fate’s decision.”
“Fate decided?”
“Yes. And that’s all you’re getting from me, sir.”
Vukovic shook his head. “Well, this changes things.”
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Harm and Mac had been looking over rings at the jewelry store for an hour already.
“I think I like this one, Harm.”
“You sure you don’t want a bigger diamond?” Harm asked.
“Yes, it’s not the size of the diamond I care about. It’s the character.”
“I wasn’t aware diamonds had personalities.”
Mac asked the jeweler, “Do you have a magnifying loupe or lens, so that I could have a closer look at this?”
“Of course, just a moment.” The jeweler left to retrieve one.
“I forgot, you are something of a diamond expert. … One more thing I have Webb to thank for.” Harm was dripping with sarcasm.
“Harm.” Mac’s tone told him not to go there.
“Sorry …” Harm looked down. He still harbored bad feelings toward Webb for taking Mac undercover to Paraguay as his ‘wife’ and nearly getting her killed. And then of course romancing Mac after the mission was over, when it should have been Harm doing that.
Mac knew that Webb was a very sore subject - for both of them.
“Harm,” she said gently this time. She put her finger under his chin and directed his head up toward her.
“I’m going to be married to you for real,” she said, hoping Harm would understand the contrast between her sham marriage, followed by a mere shell of a relationship with Webb, and her true love for and commitment to Harm. “… Because I love you for real. You’ve always been the one I’ve really been in love with, and I will never ignore that fact again.”
“Here you are.” The jeweler came out with a lens that he put in front of Mac.
Mac looked at the stone under the lens for a few moments. “Can I have a look at this ring also?” She pointed to another of the same design. She then examined that one.
“Harm, you remember the case with the manufactured diamonds?”
“Of course.”
“On close examination, you could tell one of those diamonds wasn’t really valuable because it was too perfect.”
“There was also something about serial numbers I recall …”
“True diamonds, Harm,” she continued, “have flaws. It’s those flaws that make them unique, make them real, and make them something of value.”
“Flawed diamonds are good?”
“Not necessarily. Diamonds are like people. Flaws are inevitable; they can be the result of past rough handling or just formed that way. Some flaws are fatal, and you don’t want those diamonds. But other flaws -”
“- give character?” Harm finished.
“Exactly. And then it’s a matter of choosing the diamond with just the right character to suit you.”
“I think I understand.”
“Here, look.” She had him use the magnifying lens to look at one of the rings she had out. “Do you see the blemishes on the left side?”
“Little scratches on the outside?”
“Yep.”
“What about the mark on the right?” he asked.
“That’s an inclusion. A very small, harmless crack on the inside of the diamond.”
“Okay. It’s not something you could see without the magnifying glass.”
“No, but it still makes up the character of this diamond. Now look at this one.” Mac had him look at the stone in the other ring she had out. “What do you see?”
“Well, I don’t see those same kind of scratches on the outside.”
“Blemishes are minimal on this one,” she agreed.
“But there is a line, I think,” Harm said. “No, two of them. One on the lower left and one on the upper right, over here. Unless my eyes are playing tricks on me. It’s hard to tell.”
“No, you’re right,” encouraged Mac. “There are two slight inclusions in this diamond. Almost balancing each other symmetrically. They each run deep into the stone on the sides at an angle. But the center of this diamond is unflawed. And this diamond, as a whole, is very strong and very beautiful.”
“You like the character of this one,” he commented as he stood back up and looked at her.
“I do.”
“It represents us, doesn’t it? One line represents my flaws and the other yours?” Harm observed.
“Yes,” Mac confirmed. “But once we get past the flaws, we find that in the center, in our hearts, we have an amazingly clear and strong love for each other.”
“And as a whole - ” Harm started.
“- we have something beautiful that will endure forever,” Mac finished.
“That we do, Sarah. That we do.” They gazed at each other for some time.
Finally, Harm spoke to the jeweler. “Sir, I’d like to make a purchase.”
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To be continued in Ch. 4 - Final Settlement