JAG Continues Book II: Volatile Matters
Ch. 2 - Needs
Part B
A few minutes later …
“What do you mean you want me to leave?!?” cried Mac.
“That’s not how I meant it,” Harm objected.
“Harm, there might be someone trying to kill you.”
“It wouldn’t be the first time,” he said casually. “Look, Mac, it is probably nothing. And even if it is, we have no reason to think that anything’s going to happen tonight. That mission was over a year ago.”
“Except if Spinnaker was just killed …”
“… Then, if I am in danger, there is no reason for you to be too.”
“You’re doing exactly what Clay wants you to,” Mac argued. “You’re pushing me out! We said we weren’t going to push each other away anymore!”
“I am not pushing. I’m just trying to keep things normal. We weren’t going to spend the night together anyhow, remember?”
Mac’s voice was heated. “That was when the evening was supposed to end with our date, a goodnight kiss, and me with dreams of your love. You send me away now and you’re leaving me with nightmares, Harm! We need to come up with a plan.”
“I’m working on it.”
“Well, work on it with me,” she pleaded.
“I don’t think I can,” he said quietly.
“What?” Mac didn’t understand at all.
“I can’t think right now … with you here.”
Mac was not prepared for that statement, and it hurt her deeply.
After a few moments trying to process his statement, she insisted, “Harm, no matter how bad things have been between us in the past, we’ve always been able to work on theories and strategies together.”
“I know,” he acknowledged.
Mac continued, “Even when we didn’t agree, we could at least talk about things, bounce ideas off each other, and fine-tune our own opinions. We’ve always thought better when we’re together.”
“I know. And I’m sorry for right now, Mac. But I’m just so … full of … things inside, … I feel like I’m going to explode!” His pent-up frustration was obvious through his voice and body language.
She implored, “That’s going to change if I leave?”
“Maybe. It’ll be easier for me not to think about you and Webb.”
She looked away, but held her ground. “We need to talk about Webb,” she insisted.
“I can’t right now.”
“Why not?” She brought her gaze back, looking at him with desperation.
“Because if we do, I’m going to punch a hole in my wall or throw something!” Harm was trying very hard not to lose it. “… I’m sorry Mac. I am. I just need some time. And I need to know that you’re safe.” He met her eyes with that last statement.
“So what I need just doesn’t matter?” Mac was on the verge of tears, but she didn’t look away. She stared at Harm, daring him to follow through on his recent promises to her - to prove to her that she and her needs were worth something.
Harm tilted his head down, viewing only the floor, though he could still feel her penetrating eyes upon him.
After a minute, Mac had enough. “Fine, Harm. You can’t think with me here, I’ll go.” She turned and opened the door.
“Mac. Wait.” Harm felt guilty. It was true that he hadn’t thought about what she needed right now. At least not emotionally. “Are you okay?”
Everything in her eyes said that she was not. But, looking away from him for a moment, she steeled herself. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
“You sure?”
“It’s not a problem. I’ll deal. I’m a marine, right?” Making sure she had her car keys, she walked out and shut the door behind her, letting her teardrops fall.
Harm watched her go, watched her pretending to be tough, when he knew better. It was just like he had done on more than one night in the past when he had turned her away, however unwilling, after she had come to him for emotional support. Damn it, how could he let her go like that again?
But if she wanted to talk, could he do that right now? He was so sore with anger that he had been bottling up since he first saw Webb at Mac’s apartment. Taking a run had helped some, but so much more had happened since then.
He was going to have to suck it up though, because he couldn’t let Mac down again.
Harm ran to the door, opened it, and sprinted down the hall to the stairwell. Maybe he could catch her if he didn’t wait for the elevator.
In his rush, he almost didn’t hear the “Hey” called out to him. He skidded to a stop and looked back to see Mac sitting on the hallway floor in a ball, her arms holding her knees up to her chest.
“Mac!?” He looked utterly confused.
She half-smiled at him through her tears. “You didn’t actually think I was going to leave and stop watching your six when you’ve got people trying to kill you, did you?”
Harm sighed heavily as he walked to her. “God, Mac. I’m sorry.” He sat next to her on the floor. “I shouldn’t have pushed you away. I’m sorry.”
He took her hand and looked into her watery eyes. “What do you need, Mac?”
“I need to be near you tonight,” she whispered.
“I know. We’ll stay together, okay?” Lightly, he added, “So you can keep an eye on me, alright?”
She nodded.
“What else?” he asked.
“I need us to go back to my apartment. I need to shower.”
“You can shower here …”
She shook her head. “I don’t have clothes here. And I really need my toothbrush. I’m feeling kind of gross right now.”
Harm almost shuttered at the thought of the ‘tongue’ incident and could understand Mac’s need to cleanse herself.
“Okay,” he said. “I’m definitely feeling like I need a shower after my run. Maybe that’ll help me clear my head. So why don’t you come in and wait for me to shower. Then I’ll pack a bag and we’ll go to your place, okay?”
He added, half-jokingly, “I’ll even let you drive me, so I’ll be at your complete mercy for the time being.”
Harm stood and offered Mac a hand up, which she accepted.
--------
After just a minute in the bathroom Harm came out, still dressed. “Hey Mac, I have a new toothbrush here. Why don’t you use it before I shower? I’ll pack in the meantime.”
Mac took it, wondering at his thoughtfulness. “Thanks. I’ll just be a minute.”
“Oh, Mac.”
“Yeah?”
“Feel free to dispose of it when you’re done … to get rid of all the grossness … if you’d like.”
She gave him a weak smile and went into the bathroom. Harm would later find the toothbrush at the bottom of his wastebasket.
-------------
To be continued in Needs, Pt C